January 24th

Bless!

Greetings from January 24th, one of my favorite days of the year. On this day 12 years ago I went on a first date with a cutie pie with a kind smile at Good Girl Dinette in Highland Park. I was a college senior and had somehow figured out how to skip D3 lacrosse practice - as team captain - to go on a date. How I pulled this off is truly an enduring mystery, as typically we were asked to come watch practice even if we were feeling under the weather, which I know I was because I requested we pivot from drinks at Hermosillo to a proper warm meal. We stayed so long we closed down the restaurant, had a goodbye hug outside, walked to our cars, and I texted our mutual friend Noah (who insisted that we go on this date, a determined matchmaker) that it went really well. Simultaneously, Zoe texted him “I think it went well!” and Noah replied “I know it did,” Zoe replied “epic smile.” What I love about January 24th is that we started our relationship that day in 2013 in such a concrete way - sitting across the table, sharing food, sharing stories - and we’ve never stopped being together for even a day since. Unambiguous.

first pic on record, Feb-ish 2013! 21 and 23 y/o!!!

When only a year and a few months later, Zoe got into grad school in Connecticut, I made the very early 20s decision of packing up and moving too. I hated my 9-5 job at USC, was eager for an excuse to quit, and ready for a new adventure. As it turns out, surviving through a grueling (borderline psychologically abusive, frankly) grad program in a very cold, very small town is an A+ bonding experience and will absolutely test the strength of your relationship. We healed from our time in New Haven by spending a beautiful, indulgent 11 months living in Paris, where we had basically no friends and barely spoke the most basic French. Kind of an intense series of years, as it turns out!!

For the first few years of our relationship, we celebrated the 24th of each month as our “monthiversary” (i.e. 15th monthiversary!), a marking of the passage of time, deepening commitment, and an excuse to celebrate. To this day, 12 years later, if the 25th or 26th rolls around and we forgot to acknowledge the 24th, “I’ll say ‘we forgot our monthiversary!’” I love our wedding date (April 9 fwiw) but, to me, January 24th is the OG. It all starts with her.

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January 24th is also my friend Anna’s birthday. Without fail, when I text her “happy birthday!!!” she replies “happy anniversary!!!” Anna, Zoe, and I all went to Occidental College together, and Anna has been my friend since I was a freshman in high school. Anna is a big reason I ended up at Oxy, where I eventually met Zoe in a class called The Queer Novel (we didn’t start dating then, that would be too much!!!). Anna memorably introduced me to her friend Ryan (“she’s going to be the first female president, I swearrrr”) during my visit to campus in 2009. Little did I (merely a high school senior!) know at the time that Ryan, on the couch studying, had been friends since babyhood with Zoe (my future spouse!) - basketball teammates, play dates, lifelong friends who coincidentally ended up at the same small liberal arts college.

I also didn’t know then that Anna would end up being one of my closest friends from Portland decades later, that I would be completely and utterly delighted when she and her (wonderful) husband chose to move back to the LA area during Covid. That Anna and Zoe and I would regularly frequent Cindy’s Diner in Eagle Rock so many years after we all graduated from nearby Oxy.

This January 24th, Anna’s birthday, is not like past years — Anna and Mack and their baby, Seymour, lost the Altadena home they loved so much in the Eaton Fire only a few weeks ago. Words can’t contain the grief of this fact, and the immense suffering that has absolutely besieged this very special town.

ILY, birthday queen <3

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Lastly, I started a new job today on January 24th, 2025. This is notable. One of the reasons I didn’t write a Substack for so long is that for the entire past year, I’d been applying for jobs. I kept HOPING to have some kind of update/insight to share with my friends here — “this is how I found a job!! here’s my advice!” — then the job would fall through. This happened with an Executive Assistant position for a boutique interior design firm (when FOUR months after applying and going through a long, drawn out interview process, I was finally told the $25/hr pay rate and that it was only a 6 month role), an Events position for an AI/Tech app ads company based in Barcelona, a Manager position for a vintage photobooth events company that ghosted me after multiple interviews…not to mention all the jobs I applied for and never heard back or was rejected.

LinkedIn was becoming my own personal Compare and Despair hellhole. It seemed like everyone I did informational interviews with was making either less than 75K or more than 175K (the data I gathered to support this divide was compelling and had absolutely no correlation with educational background). It felt increasingly evident that I’d failed to get "on the treadmill” in my 20s and climb the corporate ladder, with its corresponding salaries and unlimited PTO blah blah.

Did I ultimately find a job that would offer me health care benefits, 3-6 months of paid maternity leave, and a six figure salary? No, I did not. I definitely tried (for a year!), but it wasn’t happening…so at a certain point I started to reconsider if maybe that wasn’t the path for me, anyhow. My dad despises Jeff Bezos and everything he stands for *with a passion* and my parents always showed me firsthand the profound value of small businesses, especially ones who truly care for their employees. I have absolutely no regrets about working for an Early Head Start program, living abroad, starting my own business - all things that wouldn’t have been possible with a more “traditional” career path. So yeah…maybe not shocking that the universe said Nah.

My parents’ small business of 50 years!

Today I started a 20 hour/week role that is NOT soul sucking, not exploitative, doesn’t benefit billionaires, and is, as most good things in life are, through a trusted friend (thank you Annie!). I’ll be doing admin assistant + operations work for a social enterprise catering company in NYC that helps to break down barriers to employment by hiring formerly incarcerated individuals (read more about this work in Bon Appetit!). Sharon Richardson started Just Soul Catering in 2015, a small business that not only brings fantastic soul food to New York City, but also provides jobs, education, and advocacy for formerly incarcerated individuals and folks directly impacted by the criminal justice system.

Last night we were talking about our first date and Zoe reminded me that during that meal, I was excitedly telling them all about the “Lyrics on Lockdown” college class I was taking in which we visited a group of young men at Barry J. Nidorf Juvenile Hall in Sylmar weekly over the course of the semester. Exactly twelve years later, I’m about to embark in a job in which the criminal justice system is front and center — working for someone who is formerly incarcerated.

I get to work from home, continue to spend all my time adjacent to my favorite person in the world, get paid a livable wage, offer the expertise I’ve gathered over a decade of doing my own thing, and still have time for all my other gigs and hustles! I applied for this opportunity before Thanksgiving, and when I saw that the first day was going to be January 24th, I thought…this is going to be a good thing <3

If you work for a company or non-profit in NYC and want to support chef Sharon’s work through hiring her for catering…freakin’ reach out!!! The 5 star reviews don’t lie!

- Sharon (my new client!!)

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So…a moment of appreciation for the special days in our lives that we play a role in choosing as adults with autonomy and agency! 12 years ago, I chose to go on a date that would absolutely change the trajectory of my life. So many of my friends have Sober Birthdays they celebrate — an annual (or monthiversary!) reminder of the strength it took to make a choice, to say no. It could also be choosing to really deliberately celebrate the birthday of someone no longer with us who you loved and who loved you! Or taking steps to affirm your gender!!! Sometimes anniversaries also help us hone in on how we’re doing because the comparison to the past is so acute — like, wow last year we kinda felt like shit on our anniversary and this year doesn’t feel that way. Amazing! Progress!! Let’s go out to dinner!

I hope you had a January 24th with some calm breaths, hugs, and at least one really delicious bite of food.

Sending so much love! I really aim to write more often now, so stay tuned!

xoxoxo

Isabel